i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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