She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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