I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize