i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
