I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
