Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
