shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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