took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
