i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I think my fart just growled at me.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
