If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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