Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
