i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
