Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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