Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Four minutes until I can fart!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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