you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
