So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
