You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
