im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
