Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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