i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
