I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
