So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
