He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
