i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize