That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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