Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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