Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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