It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
