you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
