if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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