Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize