Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
