i permit you to call me
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
