he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
