it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
