just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
