Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
