He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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