And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
