ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
