so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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