I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
