i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
