Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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