I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
