i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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