Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
being pregnant is like rehab
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My ass is underappreciated
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
