Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
