he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
