got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
