Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
