I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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