You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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