I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
