come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize