my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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