hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
