I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
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