Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
