I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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