i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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