He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
