Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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