What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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