Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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