I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So here I am, sexting at work.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
