So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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