I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
