My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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