I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
