Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
