well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize