do herpes really smell.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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