Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
