I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
